David Sage Woolworth

Height: 6'1"
Weight: 205 lbs.

Professor David Woolworth was born in Wilmington, Delaware, on June 14, 1961. At a young age he showed a precocious ability to deal with complex abstractions.

 

Attending high school at Thomas McKean High, and having a keen interest in physics and computers, he earned a scholarship to the University of Texas in 1979. At UT he studied under John Wheeler(coined the term "black hole" and worked with Enrico Fermi in the '40's and '50's), and did important work on cold fusion theory. After earning his B.S. in Physics in just three years at the age of twenty, he attended Harvard where he gained recognition for his work on chaos theory. In 1987, he earned his PhD from Harvard and accepted a faculty position at Cambridge University, England. He remained in Cambridge until 1992,when, to the shock of his peers and citing personal research, he took a much less dignified position teaching mathematics at the University of Mississippi, Oxford. Professor Woolworth still currently teaches at UM.

 

Professor Woolworth is single and has no family still alive. He is an only child and his parents died in an automobile accident when he was sixteen. He is somewhat regarded (but still very respected) by his colleagues as a flake due to his interest in alien cults. Reportedly he is a consultant to the TV show the X-Files, and writes under the pseudonym Elvirus for the zine Anti-Matters. Professor Woolworth has published several academic and non-academic works. These are: Ionic Compression at Infinite Gravity (Harvard 1989), Non-logic and Paradox in Chaos Theory (Cambridge 1991), The Center of the Edge of the Universe (Cambridge 1992), The Intergalactic Convergence Zone (Yoknapatawpha, 1995), and The End is Nearer (Yoknapatawpha, 1997).